In the shadowy corners of Maplelandia, where the pungent scent of smoked maple leaves clung to the air like an unwanted secret, Johnston Troodope found himself in the crosshairs of a relentless investigator known only as Doug. Doug is a man who has seen the underbelly of the Maplelandian political landscape and had the whiskey-flask and ever-present drawling sarcasm to prove it. Below is the transcript from his interview with the Prime Minister of Maplelandia, Johnston Troodope.
Doug: Alright, Troodope, let’s cut to the chase. The economy’s crumbling, folks are losing their jobs, and you…you seem to be living in a candy-coated dream world. What’s your masterstroke to save us all?
Johnston Troodope: (With an impish grin) Economy, schmeconomy, my dear Doug! I love pudding and Frosted Flakes because they’re greeaaat!
Doug: (Opens flask) Nice to see you have endorsements. You’re like a broken record, Troodope. Unemployment is skyrocketing, and the masses are getting restless. What’s your plan to fix this colossal mess?
Johnston Troodope: Unemployment, employment, disemployment… Do you know that mom smoked weed and slept around. Think about it, I could be Fidel Castro’s son for all I know. I mean, I don’t even look like him…
Doug: Castro’s son, huh? Any shit is possible with you, isn’t it? Now back to serious matters; food prices are climbing faster than a squirrel on a sugar high. What’s your strategy to put a meal on every table?
Johnston Troodope: Food prices, like trying to teach a beaver to recite Shakespeare. What are you gonna do? But here’s something even crazier than food prices… I got caught wearing my wife’s underwear. True story. She got a little freaked out, but it’s okay now.
In the world of Maplelandia, where political absurdity reigns supreme, this peculiar encounter would be but a footnote in the annals of strange tales and whiskey-soaked investigations.
